Balls

Ben Wa balls are supposed to train you to tighten pelvic floor muscles. And take it from me, a few well timed squeezes of that wonderful set of muscles is going to tip him over pretty damn quick if you hit the right rhythm.



So basically, the marble-sized balls are used are a kind of training aid - like your gash is doing itty-bitty situps while the rest of you is doing laundry. Can it get any easier?


Now I don't have kids. I'm 24 years old. And by all accounts things are a pretty tight fit down there already. So my gash really doesn't need any further work. But after hearing that slipping Ben Wa balls in during sex can add a whole new dimension of fun, my friend & I thought; why not?

The first stage was fun. He & I have a little dominance play type thing going on so with him personally handling the insertion - total turn on for me. Plus you can really feel those little guys moving around in there which only serves as a constant reminder that you're a kinky little girl with one hell of an evening ahead of you.

And the fucking was fun, a whole lotta fun. It's a truly different sensation, from my side at least. You can feel the balls; pressing & rolling against all your soft pink bits. And he too can feel them; pressing against him & his...... less soft bits. It's new. It's exciting. It's oh-so-delicious. It's fun for all involved.

But all good things must come to an end. The 2 page instruction guide (yes I read instructions, especially when it comes to inserting objects into my girl-parts) advises removal by lifting one leg to waist height, relaxing your muscles & allowing the balls to simply slip out (they're rather heavy). So, one foot on bathroom counter, a deep breath, exhale & relax. Nothing happens. Consult instructions. According to them an alternative removal method is to either squat/perch that pretty ass on the toilet. Both terribly sophisticated options. And yet after trying both in turn, still nothing.

There's a number of steps you take when you realise those little suckers aren't coming out.

1. Commence panicking (Oh my god, there's a pair of tiny metal balls lodged in my vagina).
2. Drift into deluded denial (No way can this be happening. There's no way there's a pair of tiny metal balls lodged in my vagina).
3. Mortified realisation (Oh shit. There's a pair of tiny metal balls lodged in my vagina. How do I explain this at the emergency room? ).
4. Embarrased admission that assistance is needed (Umm... Could you help remove the pair of tiny metal balls lodged in my vagina?).


There's not many acts more awkwardly bonding for two people than kneeling at the end of your bed at 3am, a flashlight held in your mouth, fishing a set of small shiny marbles out of a panicking girl's whole-lotta-fun. Dude, I owe you. And please, throw away the spoon.